Confirmed.

I don't always know the best way to process things, but I try to just take things as they come. Going away with Matt helped so much. I can't explain the peaceful feeling in my heart. Before we left, I felt unshakable anxiousness. In fact, I had a horrible panic attack in the middle of Target, so badly that the cashier was really worried about me. My hands were shaking so badly that I could hardly pay for my items. Not good.

Matt and I were able to talk about the way I've been feeling. He's been feeling similar. I feel like God has really confirmed in my heart things that I thought to be true, and now I'm realizing they are indeed true. That's tough! While I know that we shouldn't give up hope, I've really felt God tell me that things aren't going to change soon. We want our families to be healthy and functional more then anything, but we know that their health and functionality is up to them. Not that God can't do a good work. Not that it means that things will never get better, but that we can't do anything about it, and that in some respects, being around it only makes us unhealthy.

While we were gone, I was so relaxed. A feeling I haven't felt in so long. The situation I've been in has been a no-win for me. No matter what I do, someone is upset with me. But while we were away, I just got to be myself. No pressure, no feeling bad because of someone else's issues, no being taken advantage of, no getting in trouble for doing what was asked of me. Just rest. I don't think I can ever go back to how it has been, seeing what it can be. It's caused Matt and I to take a hard look at things. We thought we were helping, but we're just hurting ourselves. We know we need to create some serious distance. It's coming. We've sacrificed so much just to get drama in return. No more. I think we both realize we have to take personal responsibility for our emotional health, just like we expect our family members to take responsibility for theirs. It's hard, but that realization brings us some serious relief! We have conformation of our next step, something we haven't always had. Things are going to be changing. I say "bring it on!".