Falling through the cracks...

Saturday, I had to pick my in-laws up from SFO. I was not excited to go! In fact, I dreaded the thought after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours when we dropped them off (and it was my birthday...). I was even less excited that Matt had to work so I would be driving alone. So, I thought I'd call my brother-in-law, Tony, and see if he would at least come with me. He agreed.

When Tony and I aren't are totally different pages with things (we have an interesting relationship), then we usually have good conversation. This was one of those times. We covered a lot of points about the church. We talked about the church regarding abortion, pharisaism, hypocrisy, homosexuality, pride, separation of politics from church and the like. One thing we discussed that I enjoyed the most was how long-time members of Church's sometimes fall through the cracks.

What I mean is that sometimes churches get so focused on getting new members, that they forget to really take care of the existing members. It's so so very sad. I've seen really dedicated members of the church I attend leave. Mostly over misunderstandings, or the feeling that the things they do aren't appreciated by the church (even if you're truly serving God, I think people still needs to know their work is valuable to the church), or they get treated more like employees then volunteer staff.

I talked about how frustrated I still am about all the stuff that happened to Matt and I, and how I feel churches will sometimes sacrifice their own members to protect a member of their staff. I talked about a time I had been really involved at a church, and ended up leaving the church kind of suddenly. I left because of a lot of broken promises, and some other things. No one ever called to ask what happened. It seemed like it was kind of like "ok, well just find someone else to fill her spot.". That was the time I didn't go to church for almost 2 years. I felt like I was just some workhorse, and that I as a person didn't matter. The same thing happened at the church I currently attend. Because of gossip, and a misunderstanding, and some interesting lies by someone that doesn't like me, a pastor didn't trust me wholeheartedly, but he trusted me enough to be a workhorse. He told me how great of a leader I was, and He trusted me enough to set things up, and do PowerPoint, and the snack bar. When it came to anything that wasn't labor intensive, or something fun where I actually got to hang out with kids, he picked someone "better". Now apparently that ministry is really short on leaders. Here Matt and I are willing leaders, that love kids, that love to serve, and we're not allowed to because of a stupid misunderstanding. Ugh! It angers me to no



I guess I didn't realize exactly how I felt until that conversation. It's like all of these thoughts in my head were puzzle pieces, and when I said them out loud the puzzle came together. My biggest issue with the church is that it tends to get so focused on new members, that everyone else can potentially fall through the cracks without much notice. Weather it be not doing to right thing, so the pastor is protected and the issue doesn't get publicized, throwing the hurt party to the wolves, or people leaving unnoticed, and then feeling like they aren't cared about. Maybe that's the same reason I don't really like a big church. How do you keep track of everyone? Yeah maybe small groups, or whatever. But maybe the key is when a church reaches a certain size, to plant a new church. I like the latter! I don't believe in the "mega-church". I know they're out there, but I don't think a church should ever get that big.

Just another crazy thought I guess!

It has been a Loooooooooong week!

I'm tired. How tired was I last night? Tired enough to get home, fall asleep in my clothes, on the couch, with no blanket or pillow, and not wake up until 10:57am, and I still made it to church by 11:10am... :-) Of course I threw some clothes on, ran a brush through my hair, and did my make-up in the car. I still had lines on my face from sleeping on my hand when I pulled into the parking lot! classy! Lol! My husband was nice enough not to wake me up to get me to come to bed, because he knows that once I get woken up, it's SO hard for me to go back to sleep! It's been crazy this week with Matt's uncle passing away (which has been extremely hard on everyone! He was a well loved man!!) and my birthday, and trips back and forth to the airport, and house sitting for my in-laws, and work on top of all of the everyday things like laundry. It's just been hard to keep up.

Yesterday Matt worked a late shift, so I went to our couples group game night "single". While it was fun, I still felt awkward. Because I was alone, teams were uneven and people had to skip turns here and there. I felt like attention kept being drawn to the fact that I was by myself. I miss Matt so much when he's gone. I mean, everyone at game night was really nice, I just don't think I would go back alone because of how awkward it makes me feel. Not because anyone made me feel awkward, but because it's just a strange situation.

Then today, I was alone in church. I feel like I'm alone so often. Typically, I like my alone time, but I guess with everything going on the last week and a half, I don't want to be alone. I know that Matt and I are just in this season of life where we're trying to figure everything out, trying to plan our future (too bad God usually has other plans) but it just seems like things keep coming up to derail our efforts. It's ok and we're fine and more in love then ever, I just miss him when is at work. Last night he worked until almost midnight, then had to be back at 8am. Days like that always take their toll on us. You can see why I didn't marry anyone in the military! I couldn't last a day!

It's only 2:30pm now, and I'm already wanting a nap. But there is work to do, and time moves forward even when we feel like we want it to stop for 5 minutes. If I had a superpower, I'd stop the world and melt with you... :-)

Just do it, Baby!

You know you want to!

Is this some fulfillment of prophecy I'm not aware of?

Crazy things going on in Israel! I'm sure it's not what you think!

Last blog as a 25 year old...

(this picture made me smile today!)

Time seems to be escaping me! No, I'm not having a mid-life (or mid-mid-life) crisis or anything of the sort, but I feel like the last 5-7 years have flown by.I'm about to turn 26, Matt and I will be celebrating our 5th year together in Oct, my "little" niece just started high-school, and almost all of my friends are married with children...crazy! I remember being a dumb teenager that wanted time to speed up so she could get married and have kids and be an adult, and now that I'm here I'm trying to slow down. Funny how that works!

All in all though, as I reflect back onto another year, all I can say is that God has had so much provision over my life. I think back to the childhood from hell, and wonder how in the world I turned out semi alright. I see so clearly how God picked me up and called me His and took me out of situations I couldn't have escaped alone. While I still have the lingering issues that were a result of years of emotional abuse (anxeity being the most major) God has healed me in unimaginable ways!

My life as a whole is wonderful! I have an amazing husband that encourages me to follow my dreams, who supports me in every goal, cares for me, and loves me for exactly who I am and what I'm not. I have awesome friends, I'm healthy apart form one stupid thyroid issue (and tennis elbow...lol!), I have a roof over my head and that head is full of dreams, and ideas, and thoughts about life that very few will ever know, I have beautiful secrets, a mess of a past, and more hope for the future then I could put into words. My life is grand. Maybe not by the standards of the world, but even on my worst of days, I'm so immensely blessed that I can't deny who my father is!

So on this day, my last as a 25 year old, all I can say is that I'm whole-heartedly looking forward to the next 25 years, and am so excited to see what God has in store. I'm excited about growing in my friendships, and growing old with my husband. I can't wait to experience all of the things that life throw at us because it's all a part of living, and while I know that things can get ugly, I also know that God has plans for me... for us!

So here's to the last 25 years! May the next be even more richly blessed as God unfolds them!

Celebrating life while mourning a death...

Yesterday was rough! Just as Matt and I were waking up and getting ready to head to Lodi Lake to set up my birthday BBQ lunch, we got a phone call everyone dreads- Matt's uncle had died in a serious motorcycle accident It was an unbelievable shock!I immediately told Matt that we would cancel the party and head to his parents house, but Matt said we should have the BBQ anyway. I was quite hesitent, but Matt insisted. I knew it would be a tough day for everyone.

While the party was nice, there was that constant lingering feeling of sadness and confusion. How do you openly celebrate life when you're in the throws of mourning a death? I sadly have too much experience with this- My aunt died of breast cancer on my 6th birthday, and every year after at any birthday gathering, someone mentions how many years to the day it's been since aunt Sylvia died.

I never know how to act around people when it comes to death. I lost 8 close family members before my 10th birthday, and 11 (including my dad)by my 25th. Death has become such a part of my life that I think it's become harder for me to be comforting to others. Not that I'm not sad and sympathetic towards people that have lost someone, just that I don't know what to say anymore. I've heard all of the awful things that can be said to someone in mourning. I stick to "I'm so sorry" and I ask what I can do to help, but I will never tell someone how it was God's plan or any of that. It's easy enough to blame God when you're hurting without other people telling you to blame God.

All I can say this time, is that I didn't know uncle Eddie well, but I knew he was so greatly in love with, and dedicated to his family! Everyone seemed to have such a huge amount of respect for him, and he will be greatly missed by the entire Sciarini clan! My heart hurts for his wife and children especially, because I know they feel like they've lost the rock of their family. May God take care of them in unimaginable ways!

Because you wish your dog was this cute...

Ok, so I'm slightly obsessed with my dog. I love Sammy (Mobster dog on the left) my in-laws dog too! However, Scout is mine and Matt's baby. One day we'll have human babies, but for now, we are in love with our sweet dog. Around 8 every morning (if Matt and I aren't already up by then. we have strange work hours)he jumps on our bed and cuddles up with us. He carries Matt's socks around the house, and brings us one of his toys when we walk through the door (if he wasn't with us, that dog goes everywhere!!). We can't keep him out of the water, he's a fury water baby! We love him!

Matt and I have been having the baby conversation a lot lately. Not because we're planning anything soon (we're not!) but because we're getting to the age where all of our friends are having babies. We're not the type to do something because everyone else is doing it, and don't respond to outside pressures, but we do think about it more then we would if no one around us had babies (like a brand new baby Micah I'm going to see today!!). Anyway, Matt was saying that having a dog makes having a baby seem less scary. I laughed! I must say we do have the poop, puke, whine, everything in the mouth, into everything part down pat. ;-)

Until that day comes though, we are happy with our sweet pooping, puking, whining, chewing, bundle of fury joy!

Wii have a problem...

When I was younger, I played Tennis quite a bit, but had to stop after my knee injury. Too many direction changes for someone that has a dislocated patella! Well, turns out, you can get Tennis Elbow even if you don't play tennis.

Recently, I've been waking up with extreme pain in my right elbow. It would last a few minutes, and then go away and I'd go back to sleep. Well, I'd finally had enough and called my doctor. He didn't even have to see me! Once I described the pain, he told me that he was sure I was suffering from tennis elbow and to take ibuprofen 3 times a day, and to call if it gets worse. He asked if I was involved in any activity where I use my right arm a lot, and I said no. I had forgotten one little detail...

WII FIT BOXING!!!

I realized that I feel pain in the middle of the night after I do rhythm boxing! So basically, I have a Wii related injury! So, no more boxing for me... :-(

PLAY WITH CAUTION!! :-)

Things that make worship leaders cringe...

I've never laughed so hard I wanted to cry... not happy tears, but frightened tears knowing this is no parody... oy vey!! I wonder why people think Christians are nut jobs??

Fun Food Friday, Sunday Edition.

There are many things I love about Autumn (I normally say "fall" but Jonathan informed me that in England they only say Autumn, so I'm going to try to be Englandy) My Birthday, For instance is usually the first full day of Autumn. I love cooler weather, I love the change of leaves, Halloween (or "harvest" depending on how Christian you are...), thanksgiving, rain, the anticipation that Christmas is coming soon, and pretty much everything that comes with the season.

There is one thing that I REALLY love though, and this year I got to have it slightly sooner then anyone else...

If you're a huge Starbucks fan, Like me, then you might already know this, but....
The Pumpkin Spice Latte is back!! Yay!! :-)

After a trip to IKEA, my friend Nikki and I headed to Starbucks. Well, I had heard a radio commercial that mentioned the PSL and after that had an insatiable desire to consume one. So, I begged the barista (through drive-thru speaker) to make me one a week earlier then they come out. He wouldn't crack. He informed me that they had everything to make them, but weren't allowed to. That is so wrong! If you have the stuff, just make it! Ugh!!

I was finally able to get someone to crack and make me one a few days early at my local store. While I would love to say it was my unique power of persuasion, I'm quite sure I came off super annoying, and she just wanted me to shut-up. Whatever, I got my drink! And I tipped her accordingly! Let me just say right now

It.Was.Heavenly!!

It smelled and tasted of autumn and my stomach turned into a hot pit of sugary goodness.

Sigh...

So, if you haven't partaken in your first PSL of the season. Go now!! You won't be disappointed!

Next Starbucks release I'm looking forward to - Gingerbread Latte! Peppermint Mocha is the best Christmas drink, but you can order one anytime. I save those for December, and December only!

My sad week.

Can I just say right now that last week was awful? I've been suffering from endless migraines, doctors appointments, blood work and all of that fun. I can't even sit in church without getting one. We have this projector that projects different patterns onto the wall during the service, and it triggers a migraine every Sunday. Looks cool though :-)

Then, we found out that we couldn't keep Lanie (the pit bull we rescued and tried to find a new home for). So we had to take her to the SPCA. Actually, I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Matt went with our friend Nikki because technically you have to be a resident of placer county, and there is not an SPCA here , and any other shelter would euthanize her because she's a pit bull. So Nikki used her address for us, which made us feel better knowing that they wouldn't kill her for no good reason. Anyway, that was really hard and I spent the better of two days in tears. In fact, when Matt came back from dropping her off, he was in tears too. It was awful! We were really attached. We kept thinking that maybe we'd find a house, and then be able to keep her. Of course, that didn't happen. She has a better chance now though. really!

We stopped in Sacramento on the way back home hoping a visit to The California State Fair would cheer us up. It did a little. I love the sight and sounds and smells of the fair. We even witnessed the birth of piglets in the animal nursery. Matt wasn't impressed, but I think birth is amazing.

Last week wasn't all bad. one good thing is that our good friend Jonathan came home from London for a visit. It's good to see him, and to be honest, we needed something good to look forward to. It's nice to have him back, except that he leaves again next week and I really hate saying goodbye. I've always hating saying goodbye. But we'll leave next week to next week and live in this week. I'm just glad to be living this week, and am very glad I don't have to relive last week.