"What Now?" Saturday...

Today is my favorite day of the year. I know, it sounds a little crazy. The Easter season has many different days of significance. There is Ash Wednesday the kick off for the season of Lint. There is Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and then Easter Sunday (which also marks the end of the season of Lint.)

Yesterday was good Friday. Our church does a service and it's always packed. What they do is beautiful. It makes you think about what Jesus had to go through. It's always hard to think about what he endured because I can't keep it together and needed his sacrifice. While I'm incredibly thankful for His gift to us, it still saddens me. I to this day, cannot watch a Crucifixion scene without bawling.

Of all of the "Holy" days mentioned, today is not one. The day between the crucifixion and the Resurrection. I can picture the disciples sad and confused, awaiting some sort of sign from their savior. Praying that the Man they were following wasn't a lunatic. I imagine the disciples faced some public scrutiny. There was no doubt about it, the man they loved, respected and ultimately worshiped, was dead and in the grave. I would imagine there was anger and doubt. I also imagine that there was some faith that Jesus was still in fact, the Messiah.

Caedmon's Call describes today well in their song "Valleys Fill First"

"And it's like that long Saturday your death and the rising day When no one wrote a word, wondered is this the end. But you were down there in the well, saving those that fell. Bringing them to the mountain again".



So I call today "What Now?" Saturday. The church is empty today. However, it's A day of faith, for our Lord is to rise tomorrow. A day to reflect on the times that we doubt and remember how God proves to us over and over that he is there despite what we feel.

Have an awesome day!

Charity and Its Fruits

I've been reading this book for quite some time. In fact, while I'm one to normally breeze through books, "Charity and It's Fruits" has given me a run for my money.

I search for hidden humor in all things. This book has none. Normally a book of this kind wouldn't last 5 seconds in my possession. I'd have sold it on e-bay or given it to a friend by now. It's so thought provoking though that even though I'm reading it a page at a time, I can't stop thinking about it throughout the day. Jonathan Edwards is an amazingly hard-core writer.

In recent days, I've struggled with forgiveness. Anger has stolen my joy and buried the commandment to "Love thy neighbor". It makes my heart heavy that I've allowed anger to steal that from me. While I'm trying to get past it, it's one of the hardest things I've endured. It's good though to go through it. I have more compassion for those that struggle with anger, as I've seen how hard it is to overcome.


"Do you think the injuries you have received from your fellow-man are more than you have offered to God? Has your enemy been more base, more unreasonable, more ungrateful, than you have to the High and Holy One? Have his offenses been more heinous or aggravated, or more in number, than yours have been against your Creator, Benefactor, and Redeemer? Have they been more provoking and exasperating than your sinful conduct has been to him who is the author of all our mercies, and to whom you are under the highest obligations?"

Gosh, I feel like such a sinner when I read this.

My hands on lesson of reaping and sowing. Mostly sowing.

My gardening dream came true this week. I asked my father-in-law last week if there was any room to grow a tomato plant or two in their backyard (which is beautiful I might add). Thinking if there was any extra space I could use, it would be small at best, I thought the answer would be a "maybe". I was pleasantly surprised that he actually pointed to the right-hand side of the yard where it is over-grown with weeds and said I could have that entire side! Last year they planted more roses on that side, so I thought it just needed to be cleaned up again and that the roses were still alive. He informed me that they didn't make it, so if I was willing to do the work, I could plant a little garden! My heart seriously screamed with delight! There are also two smaller planters in the middle of the yard that he said I was free to use also! SCORE!!

So I asked Matt if my valentines’ gift could be some gardening stuff and he said I could get what I liked... double score! Sunday after church, we headed off to Lowes in search of some organic vegetable plants. To my dismay, I would have to wait a month. I decided I couldn't wait that long and that I'd grow from seed myself! I did however get some herb plants for one of the center planters. I got Parsley, mint, chocolate mint, sage, rosemary, basil, lavender, thyme and German Chamomile (tea time!!). I ordered the seed online a few months ago, but decided to just do half grown plants. Now back to seeds... ha ha. Organic please?

As I planted my seeds in small, indoor planters, I couldn't help but notice that each plant has special sowing instructions. Both hot and sweet peppers like heat, moist (but not wet) soil and all day sun, Zucchini likes lots of water, food and 6 hours of sun, green bean seeds have to be soaked overnight before planting and can't be planted outside until the indoor plant is 6 inches tall...etc...

Of course that made me think of the term "planting a seed in someone’s heart". No wonder the Bible used the seed as an example. The human heart and God mimics the relationship of seed and soil. Some hearts thrive when cared for one way and others another way. It made me think of how many seeds I've so carelessly sown, without caring for the heart of the person I shared God's love for. Leaving them to figure out how to get water without assistance. There is also a time to sow. This is why friendship evangelism weighs so heavily on my heart. I think some people aren't ready to accept God. So when the issue is forced, it can leave a relationship strained. If I plant a seed in the wrong season, it's less likely to grow or flourish. While I don't hide my relationship with God, I try not to scare people off with information they're not ready for.

When you harvest fruit, you can tell if it's ready when you can pull it off with a gentle tug. If you have to force it off the tree or the vine, it's not ripe for harvest. When I mention Christ to someone and they back away from the topic, they're not ready. So I can A. Keep tugging and potentially scare them off or B. let it go and continue to love them and be myself and pray for them. Of course there are those low-maintenance "seeds" that you can scatter and they'll grow in the strangest of conditions. However, that is quite rare.

So I guess my lesson was if I'm going to sow seeds, I better be prepared to care for them.

Better then I expected...

Last Tuesday was my first day of doing ministry in a long while. It feels good to be back, better then expected even. While I tend to be hesitant to move forward, I feel the holy spirit telling me that it's going to be ok.

Speaking of my good friend, the Holy Spirit. I never fully understood what people meant when they said how the spirit led them here or to do this or that. Because I tend toward the sensitive side, I've always been aware that I can't always rely on how I feel. I wonder how many times I actually dismissed the prompting of the Holy Spirit in an effort to suppress my own seemingly "over-emotional" feelings? Honestly, I don't even know if it works that way. When it comes to the "Spirit" I'm pretty clueless. That just proves how ungodly I really am.

Lately I've been praying that the Holy Spirit would reveal my sin to me. One reason is to recognize hidden sin so I can change it. Another reason is so I can be more amazed that I don't have to pay the penalty for my sin. How good is God that he saved us!? I, as a Christian become desensitized to the greatness of God. I constantly have to remind myself that what he did was an amazing gift! Not because I don't know, but because I want to feel the same way now as I did when it was all brand new. I crave those "first love" feelings that I felt towards God. Though with any "love" type relationship, I appreciate the deeper understanding that only comes with time. I've experienced that type of love only twice. My first with Jesus, and now my marriage to Matt. When the butterflies fly away and things are hard, the deep love remains. It's simply amazing.