Political parties and Cheesecake...

My name is Sarah, and I'm not a Republican. While I am fairly Conservative, I don't like the commitment to one party, so I consistently register as an independent. Well, two weeks ago, I was approached outside of a store to sign a petition. I informed the man that U was sure I had already signed this particular one, but he informed me that some stipulation had been ignored and that they needed people to sign again. So I'm signing, and then he said needed one more signature "for it to count", so I gladly signed. Then he asked me if i want to be registered as a Republican. Unbeknownst to me, he was registering me to vote. I've been meaning to register in Lodi, as I'm registered in Stockton. I didn't think I would essentially be register-raped. Yup, that's what I said. This man was registering me against my will or knowledge. Ugh.

Not being one to like confrontation, I assured myself that it's something I had wanted anyway. So I answered "actually, I'm an independent voter, and would like to be registered as an independent!". He apparently didn't like my answer, as he proceeded to argue with me for the next 5 minutes about registering as a Republican. His argument was a suicidal one, as he claimed it didn't matter how you registered, to which I answered "OK, then I would like to be registered as an independent!". Finally, he said OK, and I went on my way.

Fast forward to yesterday. I receive my registration confirmation in the mail. How am I registered? As a Republican! I cannot tell you how angry this makes me. I want to complain, but who would I complain to? I just hate it when people can't just respect the views of others.

In fun news, A few girls and I made the trek to Sacramento to The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Lexie's 20th birthday last night. We had some funny, and interesting conversations. I opted out of cheesecake to enjoy a huge piece of Carrot cake. Can you say "Yum"? I love it! It was a nice time!

Oh, one more thing. My computer is BROKEN!!! So if I'm not in contact as much as usual, it's because I have limited computer time until my laptop gets fixed (which should be VERY soon!!),



Peace be with you! :-)

Birth...or...uhhh...period control??

Ok, if you're either squeamish, or a male, this might not be funny to you, but I think it's hilarious! Oh the adventures of birth control...

I know exactly who I am...

Peace. Isn't that what most people strive for? Some sort of inner peace? People have developed many ways of achieving that. Many turn to self-help, meditation, workaholicism (made up words rock), throwing themselves into roles of advocacy for poverty, animal rights, political agendas...yadda yadda. Of couse religion is the "biggie" of the inner peace arena. None of these things are bad in themselves. It's ok to stand up for things, to be "into" this or that. However, many times I think people idenify themselves based on what they stand for, and not who they are.

The reason why the self-help craze is so massive, is because no one is happy with who they are. It seems that most people are wasting their lives trying to become something that they aren't, trying to achive something that is out of reach. Usually this is by means of physical beauty. Everyone wants botox, or a nose job, or lipo, or gastric bypass. Yet most of this people have more to worry about. Inside uglyness is way harder to get rid of then the outside.

I'm a Christian, and while that encompasses a lot of who I am because of the values of the bible, and my relationship with Jesus, I don't think about Jesus 24-7. I watch TV, and I listen to secular music. I am friends with homosexuals, and people that don't believe in anything. I believe that even though "Jesus is coming back", that we should take care of the earth, and be kind to all living things. I'm not into all things "Christian", yet I'm happy with who I am. I think Jesus wants us to be people, with lives and interests. While there are sacrifices that you have to make to follow, Jesus doesn't want us to be religious nuts.

The reason this is so heavy on my mind, is mostly because I've been thinking about all of the things I've been through in the last two years. How I've worried so much about making sure people know that I was lied about and wronged. I was stabbed in the back by pastors, and people that claim to love Jesus. Why? Because I don't want people to think badly of me. Because I'm concerned about what people think. That's where my insecurities bust out of my soul.

I've been doing some heavy soul-searching, talking to friends, bouncing things off of my husband, praying a ton. The conclusion I've come to is "I know exactly who I am". I don't need the validation of other people, I don't need to be liked, it's going to be okay if someone thinks badly of me because I know what my intentions are, I know the truth about my situations. My true friends give me the benefit of the doubt, and those who don't, probably don't know me very well. Not that I don't make mistakes, but when I do, I try to own them.

Thinking about all of this, made me think of a popular country song from a while back.


This is my new anthem. I'm tired of trying to prove myself. Really, if there are people in my life I have to "try" to prove myself to, then they're not people that care about me. If I'm too sensitive for someone, then tough luck :-)

6 years...

I can't believe it, but Thursday will be the 6th anniversary of my dad's death. Every year it seems to sneak up on me. Grief is such an interesting thing. Some days I don't think about it, other days I do and I'm sad. Sometimes I have dreams about him that are so real. Sometimes I forget things about him. On occasion I wish I could have another day. This year, I've just felt numb. After my dad died, my family fell apart even more so then it was before. I didn't just lose my dad, I lost my entire family. Sometimes I wonder if I mourn that more so then the loss of my dad.

I've noticed the past few days that I've been a little depressed. Last night I laid in Matt's lap and just cried. I have an awesome husband that doesn't always try to "fix" me when I'm having a tough time. Instead, he just held me and told me that it's okay. After a few minutes I was fine and laughing again, but I predict that Thursday will be a tough day. I'm ready for it. I'm not planning anything really big for the day, just going to relax. Matt will be at work, which scares me. Being alone with my feelings is scary, but I'm not too worried.

So all in all, I'm feeling okay. Hopefully this cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat thing will be over by the end of the week, and I can look forward to better days.

qué hora es?? qué hora es?? One Semester of Spanish, Spanish Love Song

This is the most funny thing I've seen in a long time!

Enjoy!

Calm yourself...

I'm a huge scaredy cat. I always have been. Anxiety runs so high with me daily, an it is a struggle most of the time to not let it affect my life. You might be saying "Aren't their drugs for that?" and yes, yes their are, but I'm trying to live my life and depend on and trust God more, and I'm so scared that anti-anxiety meds will make me someone I'm not. Maybe that's stupid, but to be honest, I'm not sure what the right answer is.

One thing I have noticed, is starting a new exercise routine has helped. I think it burns off some of the extra energy that would normally be used for a panic attack. though I'm no doctor, and I could be way off base.


I'm learning to trust God more though. I'm learning that the reason I feel so out of control, is because I am. I am not in control of what happens. I think instead of working on being more in control, I need to work on being comfortable with the fact that my life is not my own. It's a really really scary thought, but it's the truth. I can spend my time worried sick, or I can enjoy my life to the fullest while I'm here. You only live once right (not counting eternal life of course) so I want to drink from the fire hose. Really.

Well, I'm going to take the dog for a nice, long walk. It will be good!

~Sarah

Want to feed the hungry?

Is consuming less meat the answer (well at least some of the answer? Maybe!
http://www.goveg.com/environment-wastedResources-food.asp

http://learningtotreadlightly.blogspot.com/

Visit my new blog I'm setting some awesome goals and would love to hear yours too!

Do it, you know you want to!

seaside spiritual highs, and daily life lows.

Last week, Matt and I decided to take a little over-night trip to Santa Cruz. We took Jasmine, and Scout with us. We really had a great time! At one point, I was sitting on the beach, and Matt, Jasmine, and Scout were all playing in the ocean. I couldn't help but to forget all of the issues and problems in my life. I know I'm not the only one to feel close to God in those little moments, but I felt like God took away all of my worries, all the stress, and just allowed me to enjoy him and all of his creation in that little moment. As I sat back and silently witnessed Matt, Jasmine and Scout play in the waves, I felt God tell me to be happy with my family, Because they are my family. I needed that reassurance. Most of the people I'm around are so negative (which I struggle with at times as well) so that little bit of encouragement was enough to "turn my frown up-side-down" ha ha!

Life thoughts have been racing through my brain all weekend. We picked up this sweet puppy while driving down West Lane Thursday night on our way back from the beach. No chip, no collar or tags... nothing. We ended up taking her home.She's a pit bull/lab mix. We call her "Lanie West" (naming her after West Lane...ha ha) My heart bleeds for for animals. Of course, my heart bleeds for people too, but animals have always had a special place in my heart. Of course, because she is a Pit bull, no one will take her. So sad! She is a sweetheart! She is laying at my feet right now and I'm struggling to hold back the tears welling up. Maybe I'm just being over-emotional, but I'm so worried that even if I do find a shelter, that she'll end up either being put to sleep, or being adopted to someone that will mistreat her. It's just not fair. It really, really isn't. Not to mention, it's hard when you're trying to do the right thing, and people around you are so discouraging.

I feel like the two reasons I became a vegetarian are 1) Because meat is filled with awful hormones and things that aren't healthy for us. and 2) Because the conditions that animals are kept in and the way they are treated is deplorable and by eating meat, I'm supporting their efforts. How can I just take her somewhere to be put to death, without being a hypocrite? I can't! UGH!

So, tomorrow I have an appointment at Animal Friends Connection in Lodi. I know that when she finally gets adopted, I will cry my eyes out, but I know it's for the best! Though the other day, when she and Matt were taking a nap together, I wasn't sure if I should think it was sweet, or not look because I know I'm getting attached! Matt loves her and wants her, but again, we cannot have another dog. Honestly. Things are about to get harder as Scout us having his "boy surgery" tomorrow, so he can't play for 10 days, which means we have to keep them separated. Oy Vey!

So if you would like to, I really need some prayer. I've just been having really awful panic attacks and things as of recent, and with all this going on, I know that I'm going to struggle through the next 2 weeks. I need some real rest. I'm so close to calling my doctor for something to help me sleep, but I'm so nervous to take anything. So I ask you for prayer, and if the next two week go the way I'm thinking they might, I may be asking for a gun too....lol!

J.O.Y

I haven't had Internet for DAYS! Needless to say, it's driving me a little crazy. I'm at the in-laws writing today. I say it's a fair trade. :-) Comcast is having a server issue, we just switched to Comcast Saturday. First, bad modem. No connection, so I skipped church Sunday to wait for someone to come back out. Got new modem. Tech informed me that the registration server is down. So we have connection, but our modem has not been registered. No Internet. UGH! I want to scrap the whole thing and start over.

I've been struggling lately. With faith, with frustration, with not really having a family. Of course, I have Matt's family, but I'm not really a part of them, if that makes sense. Joining someone Else's family is hard work, and to be honest, a lot of stuff happened before Matt and I got married that caused me to kind of give up long ago. I love his family and everything, but sometimes I just feel so lonely around them all. I just don't fit in, and for some reason that feeling has been magnified as of lately. I just can't be myself.

I'm not unhappy. I'm actually feeling like God has been giving me actual joy. Joy that no matter what I'm feeling frustrated by, transcends that. It's been a long time since I've felt that way. There are lots of amazing things around me. My husband is seriously great. He's got a tough exterior, but a soft middle. He's so smart, probably the smartest guy I know. Yet he's humble. His humility is the thing that drew me to him. He's not constantly seeking attention. Any guy can be smart and flaunt it, but Matt is a silent smartie. He's such a wonderful gift and I'm so thankful for him. God has provided for me in ways I can't describe.

So all of the other things pale in comparison. My lack of Internet, or family struggles are just things. How thankful I am to know God and to have a relationship with Him. How thankful I am that God can provide joy in hard times! And while some days, I forget how blessed I am, I hope that I can always point my joy back to Him. Even on my blah-est of days!