Just say it...

Have you ever felt like you have so many things that need to be said. Weather it's talking things out with a friend because you have a dissolving relationship, or confronting a parent about things they did to hurt you. Maybe it's wanting to know where a relationship stands, but being afraid to hear the answer. Maybe it's sharing a struggle, or a secret with someone. I don't know. I just know that in my life, I've let many things go unsaid that probably should be talked about. On occasion, those things haunt me. I've withheld comfort from someone, because I know the only way to give comfort, would be to open up about my own experiences, and I was just too afraid. I replay past conversations in my head, and say things to myself like "If only I had said this" or "I wish I had said that". In some situations, it would be too late to say anything, but I can think of a lot of situations where even though the communication break-down happened months ago, it would probably still benefit from being talked about. I just think there is a fine line between talking something out, and beating a dead horse.

There is someone in my life I know I need to talk to. I think about it a lot. This person is someone that I've been pretty close to, and have continually sought approval from. It's definitely the "where do we stand" situation. I mean, we're still friends and everything, but we hit kind of a bumpy road, and everything got messed up. I just feel like I need some reassurance that this person still feels the same way about me, and that I've lived up to the expectations that I know this person has for me. Even so, it's still a hard conversation to have. I mean, if it's not broke, don't fix it...right? However, I know I'll continue to feel this way until we actually talk about it. It's just tough.

I guess that's why I'm such an advocate for "realness". I've seen even the best of relationships go sour because of a fear to be transparent with another person. I've seen the same breakdown in the church, where people think they're the only ones that struggle, because of this fear that being open, means being judged. So everyone keeps quiet. Then those few people that have talked openly feel alone in their struggles if no one else is willing to be as open. If more people would just be honest, and say what needs to be said, I think that there wouldn't be so much depression, and embarrassment about what we go through as people. We all have things we'd like to be open about, things that we need to share, and talk about, but we have this multifaceted fear about being so vulnerable.. this fear of getting hurt. But in the end, if we don't say what needs to be said, it will eat at us. Sometimes the sacrifice of pain is worth the relief that comes with transparency.

"Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say"