Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Keep Suckin' 'Till You Do Suck Seed!

   I received some good news today. Sometimes you get news that makes your heart jump a bit out of your chest, followed by an almost nauseating excitement. That was me today. My heart is happy, and I've accomplished something I set out to do. It's a good feeling!

  Am I the only one that self-sabotages my success? I consider myself to be a play-it-safe kind of person. It's only in the last few years that I've taken more risks. I'm more honest with people-- even if it means being unpopular. I'm more honest with myself, even when I hate to admit the truth to myself, and I put myself out there more often, even if I may fail. It's not easy for me-- but like fine wine, I've improved with age. That being said, mere minutes after feeling happy and excited, I freaked out. What if I'm not good enough? What if I've done my very best only to be critiqued --critically so-- by those better than I am? Stupid brain!

  Then the self-pity kicked in. "Matt will be the only one happy for me" I whined to myself. And you know what, maybe that's true. When you don't really have family, and you're so low maintenance that your friends often forget that you exist, you can feel lonely. I feel lonely like that a lot. Why can't my own excitement be the only excitement I need? Ugh.

  Maybe success isn't as comfortable than I wanted or expected. But its success none the less. That being said-- I'm happy again. I'm thankful that God made me who I am-- and call it confidence, or pride, but I'm happy for me. I needed this!

 

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