Wednesday, January 9, 2013

One Word.

Oh, the craziness that is making New Years Resolutions. I always make them. I never follow through with them. I'm really hard on myself, so for me, it just breeds self-hatred. This year I vowed that my resolution would be not to make one. Besides that, I've been too distracted to even really think about it. I know some people who are not doing a resolution, but are doing "My One Word". www.myoneword.com My One Word is the idea that you just pick one word as you mantra for the year. That I can do! It only took about 2 seconds for me to pick my word:

Courage

If there is anything I want to focus on this year, courage is it. The last five months I have been overcome by fear and anxiety. There is not a day that goes by where I'm not in fear of something. Some days it's a dull fear that lasts all day, and others it's full on panic attacks. I can easily say this has been one of the biggest trials of my life. I have headaches every single day, and I clinch my jaw so tightly that my whole face hurts. My heart pounds, I get dizzy, I feel like I can't breathe. Sometimes it's so bad that I seriously feel like I have something seriously wrong with me medically, and I'm going to die. I'm not sure why I'm going through this, and I world be lying if I said I haven't questioned God as to why I feel so unsafe. I'm just trying to lean on the promise that He will use this for good. That this trial like any other will give me perseverance. That He will never leave me.

I want to have courage. I want to be able to face things in my life without being afraid. I need to have enough courage to allow myself to let go of the things in my life that make me feel this way. Courage is what I need, and what I will try to focus on this year. I'm definitely ready for it!