Long time coming...

I haven't forgotten about blogging. In fact, I've sat here and typed a million times, and then never published one. Most of the times words are easy for me, but they've become harder for me in more recent days.

I can't describe how much I love our little family. My husband and my dog. My most peaceful moments are laying in bed, talking to Matt, with our sweet dog laying at our feet (or on occasion, right in-between us). We're constantly in dysfunctional situations with family, so it feels so good to be just us. To have a moment to breathe, and reflect and dream with my husband. We're still looking for a house, which I'm hoping we'll find sooner rather then later. I'm hopeful that there is something out there that is perfect for us.

Matt is still plugging along in school. I'm proud of him! School doesn't come easy for him, but he is pushing through, studying hard, staying late to ask questions, and passing his classes with flying colors. Not to mention, he's working full time on top of that, and still makes it a point to make time for me.

I'm doing freelance work-- which is slow right now. I'm looking for another job, even considering going back to subbing. I don't think I'm going to, but if I have to I will. I'm thinking about going back to school to get my teaching credentials. We'll see... I don't want to go back to school.

I haven't been going to church. I know I should, but I can hardly convince myself to go. Sure, part of it is that Matt has to work every Sunday again, and going alone is really hard for me. Lets face it though, I'm not going because I'm uncomfortable. Not "God is getting me out of my comfort zone" uncomfortable, but uncomfortable being there. I feel like I just don't belong anymore. I've lost my enthusiasm, my spark, my wanting to be in ministry. Since the "situation" I just don't feel the way I did. I can't get over the hump. I'm tired of people, I'm tired of pretending that it's ok. It's not. Maybe one day it will be, but right now, it's just not. We are doing a great bible study with some good friends once a week that has been good, so we're not completely back-sliding into hell...lol!

Life is crazy. My life is always crazy! Hopefully one day soon things will calm down, and we can catch our breath a bit. For now, we're just trying to roll with whatever comes our way.