When I have nothing else, I have hope. Hope for a life less ordinary. Sometimes for a life more ordinary. Hope for more order, and less chaos. Hope for happiness and joy, and that one day I'll have more faith, and less anxiety Hope that the simplistic way of life will always be the most attractive to me. I sometimes lack in the hope department. Not because I don't want to be hopeful, but because I hate disappointment. I used to be a hoper, and a dreamer. I lost it somewhere along the way, and now my biggest hope is for more hope.
Lately, I've been feeling that excitement that you only get from waiting in expectation. I want God to do great things in my life. Maybe the purging of unhealthiness has been a step in the right direction. The idea that if someone isn't healthy, they can't be a part of my life. It makes me feel like I'm worth being treated with respect, and not with insane judgement. It makes me hope for healthy relationships, and friendships. It makes me not at all miss the relationships that have been plagued with craziness, and false expectations. Last week, I had butterflies. Not for any real reason but the hope that things are finally getting better. You know what, it had nothing to do with the people around me changing, and everything to do with a change in my heart. Unhealthy relationships take me away from God. They cause me to be bitter, and angry. My own unhealthy thoughts and actions do the same. My "theme" for 2010 is officially "my year of restored hope". Anything and anyone that threatens that hope can't be a part of my life. Good things only.
I have hope for 2010. Good things are going to happen. I can't wait!
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