Friday, October 24, 2008

Who is your "holey bucket"?

What do I mean? I guess I mean then person you're always making effort with. The person that you try and try to be friends with, the person you go out of your way for, or try to include, but in the end, they could care less. If they want something, or need help, you're the first person they call. Other then that, they don't want you around. I call them "holey buckets" because you pour into them and pour into them, but the water just leaks out of the side. It's useless because it's never enough. Nothing you do is ever enough!

I have a few holey buckets in my life. It's draining, pardon the pun. It's one thing when the person is someone that you can part ways with, and won't see on a normal basis. In my case it's mostly family members in my life regularly. That magnifies the issue a million times over. You MUST see them. There is no avoiding. It hurts because you want to be close, but at the same time you end up hating to be in the same room with the person because you feel taken advantage of.

I often wonder what Jesus would want me to do. Would he want me to keep putting myself in a place where i could get hurt, or would he want me to retreat to safety, and hide. Honestly, I don't think the answer is cut and dry. I don't think Jesus would want us to be taken advantage of, but I don't think he wants us to give up on people either. So even though I always seem to get my feelings hurt in the end, I can't say no more, I can't run away and hide. I have to be love. I have to stick around when it's hard. Do I own people that? No, but I do owe Jesus. I owe him everything, and if he's just asking me to lay down my feelings and be a neighbor, then I guess that's what I'll try to do.

I just wish family could be family without the drama!

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