Non-Labor Day!

I have today off! WooHoo! I'm so excited that I made plans too watch too much TV, and do too much laundry. I bet you're jealous! ;-)

I spent day one of my two days off in a row visiting lovely, beautiful, ridiculously crowded, Santa Cruz with Miss Jenny. What started out as a plan to meet in Elk Grove for lunch a Noodles & Co turned into a full-blown road trip. Despite our many stops along the way (my work, Starbucks, 99 cent store, and a random hole-in-the-wall for a bathroom break), and the insane traffic, we managed to make it to Downtown SC without dying--which is a good thing. Our last out-of-town adventure almost ended when a deer darted in front of Jenny's car. No bueno! We narrowly escaped with our lives--though I'm sure the deer felt the same way!

Downtown Santa Cruz offered us the things we love--Pizza my heart, The Italian market I adore, interesting people, interesting signs, and perfect weather. We had lunch, then ate coconut chips until we felt like vomiting, and laughed until we couldn't breathe. We have the craziest conversations! After realizing that there was no way we would make it to the boardwalk, due to the sheer amount of people, we decided to drive Hwy 1 until we found a beach that wasn't insanely busy. We found a beach we had visited on our last trip to Half Moon Bay! We headed down to the shore, took some pictures, got far too close to a dead sea lion carcass (there was so much dead wildlife we just called it carcass beach), when we finally found a safe place to sit, we were almost swept away by a wave--so we headed back to the safe, warm car.

We continued on Hwy 1 until we reached Cameron's Pub--by far my favorite spot in HMB! We were far too full from lunch to eat, so we took advantage of their bathroom, bought some chips from England for one of my co-workers, and took far too many pictures! Down the way from the pub is a great trail, so I had the bright idea to walk the trail to the rocky beach cliffs. The idea came to an abrupt end when Jenny *thought* she heard a snake in the grass and actually RAN back to the car. Oh Jenny. :-) Before we left for home we made one more stop at a little fruit stand. We purchased figs, cherries, and peaches. Soooo yummy! Once we got to Pleasanton, we made our second Starbucks stop of the day. WELL worth it. The Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate has been playing my heart strings as of late. It feels a lot like love!

Today, my stomach still hurts from laughing so hard! Great way to spend a day!

Blog-

It's been a good week. Last weekend I house-sat for some good friends, and even though I had to work Saturday, it was a nice little staycation! I'm one of those people that can go and go for a long time, but I need my time to do nothing but sleep and watch the Food Network, too! (BTW, anyone watching NFNS?? Team Aarti!!) I missed my dog, so it was nice to get back home. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being sloth-like for about 24 hours! I also got to hang out with Jenny-- which is always fun/wonderful! She makes me laugh, and if you know me, you know laughing is about my most favorite thing ever! I love laughing, making others laugh, watching other people laugh-- I'm a laugh-a-holic! :-)

I'm finally getting the hang of things at my new job, which is nice too! Have I talked about my new job here? I'm working at a veterinary hospital in Tracy. I still have side projects going, which is good-- I like the variety! The first month at the new job was really hard. I love animals, and have had a million different animals growing up, but as far as the medical side, I'm pretty clueless! So the steep learning curve paired with not being able to keep my emotions in check (I was crying every time an animal had to be euthanized) didn't make for a great situation at first. Now I actually like going. I'm catching on, and while I still cry everyday, I'm not as much of a mess as I was. Of course, I did have someone ever-so-sweetly (not) tell me (on facebook) that I'm "wasting my education". Nice, huh? To which I replied "That depends on how you define education. I don't think it stops when you graduate. Do you?" I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud of my comeback-- I was! I'm happy, I'm always working on writing projects, I try my best at what I do, and that makes me happy.

This next weekend Matt and I are headed to Monterey for a little whale watching adventure! I've never been, so I'm pretty excited. I love the ocean, and I really love ocean life, so it's a perfect day trip. I should also mention I get to take my dog-- which makes me really happy! Now we're praying for no sea-sickness (I'm prone to motion sickness, but I've been out to sea a few times and was fine) and nice weather! Can't wait!

Socially dysfunctional...

I've changed so much. Weird way to start a blog-- I know! I don't know what else to say. I feel like we're in a day and age where it's so easy to be social. Everyone is a text, voicemail, or facebook away. 10 years ago, that would be a dream, but it's my 27 year-old nightmare! I feel overwhelmed by it all. By the pressure. By the inability to ignore anything (or anyone) because of the many ways to be contacted. Maybe I have something wrong with me, but it's stressing me out!

I've been blessed with a heart that loves people. I do! So why is it that right now I can hardly stand anyone? I think I'm overloaded. Is it sad that I keep the friends I love the most away because I'm afraid I'll end up hating them? That others I keep away because they're so critical of me that I leave feeling like the worst person on the planet, but when they need something they call me? Am I too trusting? Am I a bad person for feeling that way? I have so many questions, and no answers.

I often feel like people love me for what I can do for them-- and not because I'm me. This isn't unfounded--sadly. Like the other night when I was supposed to do something for a friend, and a crazy stressful situation came up, and I had to deal with it first. I still followed through with what I said I'd do, it just took me a bit longer. It wasn't even very important. I left feeling so stressed out, and with my "friend" letting me know how disappointed she was even though she knew it was out of my control. I cared enough to help her out, but no one cared about me. Maybe that's selfish of me to say. But it's how I really feel. As soon as I stop "putting out" (intentional bad choice of words) or stop making all the effort, the friendship ends, or I'm the bad guy. Maybe it's not really a friendship at all. But it still hurts to know that as soon as I say no, or I need something, everyone is gone. It's even hard to write this because I don't want the criticism.

Today, someone I don't even know super well did something nice for me. It meant the world to me even though it was a small gesture. I enjoyed it, but couldn't help but wonder if she sometimes feels the same way I do. She has a lot to offer, and she does a lot for other people. She's been blessed in many ways, and likes to share the blessings-- which is awesome. I just know how people who are willing often get the short end. I hope she knows how much better she made me feel today-- and how thankful I am!

G Double O D Good.

Busy. That sums up my last month pretty well. I started a new job, am still doing my old one, still looking for a house, fostering two kittens, and still trying to find time to sleep, and spend more then 30 seconds a day with Matt. It's been a challenge. I'm definitely not bored-- so that's a great thing!

Matt took a day off last Wednesday, and I have Wednesday of every week off, so we took a trip to Santa Cruz. It was a fantastic trip! We napped on the beach, walked the Boardwalk, played mini golf (both of us got a hole-in-one at the end and each won a free game...score!). Then we played in the arcade. Matt played a game where you are adding air to a balloon until it pops. I went first, and added so much air, but no pop. Matt went next and hit it perfectly on the target that is an automatic win. The balloon popped, and the machine then popped out 600 tickets, which Matt gave to two little girls saving their tickets for a larger prize. Ah, I love him! Matt went body surfing, and I watched-- The weather was warm, but windy and the water was freezing! I picked up my phone once the entire time, then put it away for the duration. Before heading home, we headed to "Pizza my Heart" (of course) and then walked through the Italian Market next door. I drooled over the vegan cupcakes, but refrained for sheer lack of room!

On our way out of town, we both proclaimed that this had been the best day trip ever. No pressure, lots of fun, and a much needed break. I cherish those memories!

So, that being said-- life is good! Crazy, and hectic, but good!

Because I just don't have the energy to *really* blog today...

I'm stealing today's blog from my good cyber friend, Erin! Thanks Erin! :-)

Favorite thing to do on vacation: Sleep. After I'm well rested I love to explore by foot. Exploring by car freaks me out because I get very lost very quickly. I also enjoy the pool/spa if we're staying in a hotel!

Favorite thing to do when there isn't anything planned: Blogging, reading, goofing off on the Iphone, Napping.
Favorite US City: Not that I've been to many, but at the risk of sounding cliché, I love San Diego. I wouldn't want to live there, but I really love to visit.
Favorite city to visit outside of the U.S. of A.: Um. Mexicali? The only out-of-country travel I've done is to Mexico.
Favorite Board Game: Monopoly, Scrabble or Cranium. I LOVE most of them!
Favorite Food: Kase Knoepfla, Yellow Potatoes, Kugen (can you tell I'm german?), and almost any other ethnic food.
Favorite Music: I listen to it all. Last night I heard "Get Low" followed by "Voice of Truth" in random order on my iphone... lol!
Favorite Book: My Favorite is "Hinds Feet on High Places"-- hands down! But I have quite a few that I enjoy. I'm not into fiction very much though. I love biographies, Christian living, and even some self-help books. Depends on the day.
Favorite Pair of Shoes: My sparkle Chucks. However, they are dying. There is a hole forming in the big toe area, but that doesn't stop me from wearing them.
Favorite Color(s): Greens/blues/reds
Favorite thing to do to make someone else smile: I love to joke around with people. It's amazing how little jokes can lighten your mood!
Favorite gifts to receive: For the most part, getting gifts makes me uncomfortable. However, I am into practical gifts, and gift cards.
Favorite gifts to give: Whatever they want! :-)
Favorite Summer Activity: Being inside under an air conditioning vent, or in a pool. The heat makes me SOOO sick.
Favorite Winter Activity: Anything if it's by a fire...
Favorite Fall Activity: Decorating! I love fall decor!
Favorite Spring Activity: Gardening. I didn't plant a garden this year, and I really miss it!

These are a few of my favorite things...

Doesn't that just make you want to break out in song?? It makes me want to throw on some PJ's

and lay on the couch and watch the entire movie!

Ok, here it goes!

Space Saver Bags:

I'm a skeptic, but I've had strangely good luck with infomercial items. The Space Saver bags did not disappoint! All of mine and Matt's winter clothes, and jackets in 2 flattened bags! I wasn't sure what to do with them since we are so limited on space, so I'm storing them in a large suitcase under our bed! I'm going to go back to Target this afternoon for some jumbo-sized bags for our warm winter bedding, and extra pillows! Did I mention that sucking all of the air out is strangely entertaining?

100 Calorie Starbucks Frappuccino:

Uh huh! This makes me happy. Not only did I not continue on my caffeine detox, but I actually increased the amount that I drink. Bad-- SOOO bad! Between my allergy meds, and starting a new job, I've needed the extra energy! Not to mention that I've lost 20lbs in a month just watching my calories(which is a miracle with thyroid issues). It does contain artificial sweeteners, which I'm not a fan of, but once I can finally get this extra weight off, I'll worry about that. For now, I'm basking in the glow of low-cal!

Lavender Serenity Downey:

If you want soft, great smelling clothes, you HAVE to try this Downey! I am pretty allergic to smelly detergents, but I haven't had a reaction to this! It smells SOOO good! Matt even likes it, and he doesn't like any strong smells. I can't really explain it, but it's fantastic!

Right now I have lots of favorites, but these are my favorite favorites by far! ;-)

Complexity...

I want to be happy. I want to be successful at the right things. I want a life of love. I want fond memories. I want peace. I want hope. I want a joyful heart. I want a family. I want to do the right thing by others. I want to live a good life. My question is: Who doesn't? Who wouldn't want to live a good, happy life?

I know we all make choices that are against what we really do believe. We've all been hypocrites in one respect or another. However, I will never understand why people self-sabotage. Why people would intentionally wreak relationships with their loved ones. Why people seek rebellion from the right things, as if right things represent weakness. Why some people insist on making life so complicated-- not just for themselves, but for everyone in their lives. Those who live with a dangerous case of reckless abandon, and don't care what others think, or who they trample along the way. We should care about other people, and what they think to an extent-- Especially the ones that we claim to love!

It's been a long, emotional week. While things in my life have actually been seriously good, family issues keep coming up. Situations where if people cared about the feelings of others there would be no issue. It's hard to believe that some of these people thrive when things are complex, and dramatic. I like simple, straightforward, to the point-- but in a kind non-"bitchy" (for lack of a better term) way. You want me to be somewhere-- tell me. You want me to do that-- let me know what you want. I'm not a mind reader-- I have no crystal ball. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE dragging information out of people.

Rewind to last week. I asked a family member a question. "Would you want to go to (blank at blank on blank)?" (Matt and I had told this family member that there was a chance we would be out of town on this day, but plans changed) "" So I spent the next 20 minutes trying to get a straight answer. When I did, it turns out the person had other plans. So I not only wasted 20 minutes of my time, but the end of the reply was "If you want to come too, you'll have to call and ask so in so if it's ok.". I don't invite myself to events-- even though this was one of those family things that you typically wouldn't leave close family out of, I decided 1) If they wanted me to be there, I wouldn't have had to drag information out. and 2) It was an event with Matt's family, and he would be at work anyway, so I am perfectly fine and happy staying home. Apparently that was the WRONG choice.

Fast forward to the day of said event. As family is about to walk out the door, I in sweats, with my hair back in the middle of laundry, I am asked if I'm coming to lunch. I reply "no". When asked "why not" I reply "I wasn't invited". That's when it hit the fan. I had not planned on going, wasn't ready to go, then ended up being the bad guy because I wasn't going to an event that I wasn't invited to. Wah? They told Matt I ruined everything because I didn't go. Matt was already aware of the situation, and knew exactly what had happened, and defended me-- thankfully! I'm still not even sure how I ruined anything. I mean, if I was wanted, wouldn't the information be given to me? You don't wrap an invitation in duct tape if you want to person to be there, right? RIGHT? Just leave out all the shady crap and tell me what the freak you want!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't believe that maybe people set themselves up to be upset. This isn't the first time Matt and I have been left out. We've tried to communicate with them about it, but it always ends up a huge fight because "feelings" don't matter around here. "I feels" are met with eye rolls, and guilt tripping. After the last blow-up, we said "no more". Honestly though, leave me out-- but don't exclude Matt. It hurts him so much, and his pleas to be included are met with more of the same. It's heart-breaking. I just don't get it. Why make things so difficult? Why the strife? Why the fighting? So we're at the point where we just stop trying and start living our own life. We want joy and happiness. We want success in the right things. Dramatic crap is not part of what we want.

I cracked...

I've been trying my hardest to give up caffeine! I did so well for weeks, but today ::EPIC FAIL:: (That was for you, Sarah Y.!). Yes, I went to Starbucks on my way to the DMV, and enjoyed every single sip of my extra-hot, non-fat, vanilla latte! Mmmmm! It turned my stomach into a hot pit of sugary goodness! De-light-ful! Of course, now my heart is crazily beating out of my chest-- which is the very reason I decided to give it up in the first place. Ah. I don't regret my decision too much--I definitely needed the jump-start this morning!

Speaking of indulgence, I've been back on the diet wagon the last couple of weeks. The weight thing has been the biggest obstacle in my life, not because of how I feel about myself, but how other people feel. I've been an emotional eater since childhood. It doesn't help that if I'm not outright dieting I gain weight--so I always have to think about it. The catch 22 with emotional eating is that as soon as someone makes a comment about my weight, I want to turn to food. When you struggle with weight, it's the first weapon people use when they're upset at you. I can't even begin to describe the hurtful (often deliberately so) comments that have been aimed in my direction by my family, my in-laws, friends, people I hardly know--craziness! If nothing else, what a lack of creativity! ;-) Yesterday ended up being an emotional eating day, but I kept myself in check. I over-indulged a bit, but not too bad. Letting the crap of other people prevent me from reaching my goals is my fault. I wish I had learned this lesson years ago!

+/-

+ The perfect pair of jeans. They were $10 at Marshals, and buy far the best $10 investment I've ever made.

- Adult acne. I have more acne now then I ever did as a teen. I've tried a million different treatments and am still getting break-outs. What gives?

+ Looking forward to getting away for our anniversary. Can't believe it's been 3 years!

- Allergy season--yuck!

+ House shopping.

- HOUSE SHOPPING!!

+ Netflix for Wii-- my new favorite thing! I'm not a huge movie fan, but TV shows galore!

- TV and internet-- what a time suck! I'm sitting on the computer, but there is a great big world out there to explore.

+ Good health, great memories, and lots of love! So for the most part, +++++++++++

:-)

Canvas

I've needed a change. Sure, changing the look of my blog is a small step, but a step nonetheless, right? Ah. I love blues and whites right now. Refreshing. The black was starting to look like the core of my lackluster wardrobe. However, that is an entirely different blog for another day!

I've had a lot to think about as of recent. Making plans, and decisions. Dreaming about future days. I'm a planner by nature. I feel like I can go with the flow when needed, but to be truly comfortable, I need some sort of plan. Even if the plan is to be lazy, or sometimes to not have a plan, at least that is the plan, ya know? Ok, maybe you don't. It's just who I am. Of course I feel like my control-freakishness need to plan is an area of my life that God has found it necessary to challenge. I'm well aware of this fact. I'm reminded every day that my life, and my plans are not my own. And every single day I fight it. It's no secret that my life is sometimes a real challenge. I'm learning that I can't change that. Not that there aren't areas I can change, but for the most part, this is the canvas I've been given for my life. All I can do is paint the picture of my life to the best of my ability on that canvas. Even if I mourn not having the canvas I want, or sometimes am insanely jealous of the canvas other people have. Deny it or embrace it, well, that is my choice.

I'm making some changes. Good changes. Healthy changes. Needed changes. It's been a slow start, but I believe in my heart that I can, and will do it. I will get to a place where I can accept and move on. I may not be able to change the way things are, but I know I can change how I deal with it. Every day is a new day-- a chance to start fresh--the chance to be different. I don't know why things are the way they are. I just hope my life starts to better reflect the hope I've been given.