Canvas

I've needed a change. Sure, changing the look of my blog is a small step, but a step nonetheless, right? Ah. I love blues and whites right now. Refreshing. The black was starting to look like the core of my lackluster wardrobe. However, that is an entirely different blog for another day!

I've had a lot to think about as of recent. Making plans, and decisions. Dreaming about future days. I'm a planner by nature. I feel like I can go with the flow when needed, but to be truly comfortable, I need some sort of plan. Even if the plan is to be lazy, or sometimes to not have a plan, at least that is the plan, ya know? Ok, maybe you don't. It's just who I am. Of course I feel like my control-freakishness need to plan is an area of my life that God has found it necessary to challenge. I'm well aware of this fact. I'm reminded every day that my life, and my plans are not my own. And every single day I fight it. It's no secret that my life is sometimes a real challenge. I'm learning that I can't change that. Not that there aren't areas I can change, but for the most part, this is the canvas I've been given for my life. All I can do is paint the picture of my life to the best of my ability on that canvas. Even if I mourn not having the canvas I want, or sometimes am insanely jealous of the canvas other people have. Deny it or embrace it, well, that is my choice.

I'm making some changes. Good changes. Healthy changes. Needed changes. It's been a slow start, but I believe in my heart that I can, and will do it. I will get to a place where I can accept and move on. I may not be able to change the way things are, but I know I can change how I deal with it. Every day is a new day-- a chance to start fresh--the chance to be different. I don't know why things are the way they are. I just hope my life starts to better reflect the hope I've been given.