Last night I went to a concert in SF with a friend. Being a passenger in a car is really hard for me. I'm super nervous when other people drive. That being said, last night me driving was a mistake. 5pm traffic in SF is nerve wrecking! I missed a turn, got lost, went to two different parking garages, and by the end of it, I was a mess. Yup-- over traffic.
As we sat at dinner, I could feel hives creeping up my face and down my neck. I had tried to hide how anxious I was really feeling because its such a burden on other people, and this was suppose to be a fun night. But you can't hide a face full of hives. Ugh. The entire night I kept stumbling over my words, couldn't think straight, was fumbling with things and in a total fog.
I've spent my entire day feeling angry and embarrassed. At what, I can only speculate. At myself for not being able to get a grip on my feelings? That I chose to drive? Because a parking attendant was really rude to me? That a friend witnessed my meltdown, and I don't want him to judge me? I really don't know. Maybe a little bit of all of that.
I'm tempted to never leave the house again. I'm suppose to go back to the Bay Area tomorrow night, but I can't even imagine how I'm going to drag myself there.
I know these feelings aren't normal. They're annoying and actually really scary. I just don't know what to do about them.