Reaching out...

A few weeks ago, I heard good news about some people we used to be close to. We haven't spoken to them in awhile. To be honest, things were a bit tense the last time we did see each-other, though I'm not quite sure why. I wanted to congratulate them on their "good news", so I sent a little email. No response. I wasn't really waiting for a response, more that I just happened to remember that I sent an email, and then happened to notice they never wrote back. That's when the feelings of rejection started to creep up.

Sarah today is a much different girl then Sarah 5 years ago. I'm much more secure in myself. I'm not really afraid to share my opinion, or disagree if I think something is wrong. Not in an "in your face" sort of way, but I don't just nod and smile anymore. I'd love to be able to say that my insecurities about being rejected are gone. Obviously this situation proves that I still have those insecure feelings inkling somewhere inside.

As for the relationship, not sure where to go from here. It's always really sad when good relationships go bad, especially when you can't quite put your finger on why. I am, however, genuinely happy for them.

Announcement!

In a little over a year, I will be applying for Vet School! I'm so so so excited to start my new educational venture! I never really thought I'd pursue a career in any sort of medical field, but thankfully my current position has given me a great insight into veterinary medicine. I'm starting my prerequisites this coming fall. I'm attending my first informational session for St. George University next week in Santa Monica. I'm thrilled! :-)

Summer...

I sat in the sun today. The temperature was much hotter then what I'm usually comfortable with, but today that didn't stop me. I wanted to feel it on my face. I wanted to soak in each ray one by one. I often take these simple pleasures of life for granted. The ability to sit and just relax knowing I'm doing alright. Life is good. I don't want to just "get through" the stages--I want to live them out, feel them, enjoy being human, enjoy being myself. I've been rekindling my love for simplicity the past few months. I got a little caught up in life's chaos for a bit. I'm thankful that I did though. Sometimes I need that to make me that much more thankful for the simple. Simple is just part of who I am. What makes me Sarah.

Oh the time I've spent trying to be someone else. Someone that I'm not. It always caused so much confusion in me. Coming to grips with the fact that I can't choose who I am. I'm never going to like Jazz clubs, or foreign films. I'm not ever going to love roller coasters. I'm not going to be happy as a teacher. I suck at math, and have to use spell check liberally. I don't enjoy reading fiction. I play tetris during church. I sing along with every song on the radio. I prefer a bath to a shower any day. If I buy low-fat ice cream, I eat two servings. I love the rain. I'm super-sensitive in good ways and bad ways. I like watching mindless tv. I love to get my hands dirty. I google 100 times a day. I crave knowledge. I can be messy. I like doing things for people. I like to create things. That is who I am. Instead of fighting it, I'm learning to be it. To accept both my strengths and my faults. The beautiful thing about it is that it's helping me allow others to be themselves. I never thought I'd be content just being me. Not only am I feeling content, but I don't think I'd want to be anyone else.

:-)