Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Truth.



Ah. I can't explain in adequate words how wonderfully wonderful it feels to be typing away. I missed my free therapy blog dearly. Writing is definitely the outlet the suits me best.

My soul feels lighter already.

If you're my Facebook "friend", you know that I've been going through some relationship stuff. It's been messy to say the least. The thing that hurts me the most isn't what has been said about me. It's the fact that I allow myself to feel bad about myself that are untrue. I allow the opinions of others to affect the way I view myself.

We've all had people get angry at us. We have all let people down in one way or another. I know that. I'm not a perfect person. A perfect friend. A perfect wife. A perfect employee. While I tend to be really hard on myself, I've learned that we all have weaknesses. I'm learning to accept my limitations as a person. I am one person. I've always tried to do it all, and be everything for everyone. I'm married,I have more responsibilities, I need to have time to myself, I need to be there for my husband. People in my life got so used to me always being there, that they now feel slighted when I'm not always there. It makes me sad because while I never want to disappoint anyone, I have to protect myself from getting overwhelmed.
So what is the truth? The truth is that I don't feel "safe" with many people. That I hardly spend any time with Matt because our schedules are opposite with work and school. That I've been having health issues, and have been dealing with exhaustion and anxiety on a daily basis. That a lot of the time I prefer being alone. And lastly, the truth is that I shouldn't have to apologise, or justify my reasons for being kind of scarce as of late. I've always tried to be understanding of the situations of other people. All I'm asking now is for the same understanding. I'm going to be okay. I'm not asking for anything else-- I just need to take better care of myself. I can't do that when I'm being pulled in 100 different directions.
So I'm not going to feel bad. I'm going to give myself some breathing room, spend some time with Matty, cherish the friends that know me well enough to cut me a little slack right now, and relax. I don't have time, energy, or any desire to deal with anything else.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Sending *HUGS* your way!