I give people too many chances. In in effort to learn true forgiveness, I end up letting people walk all over me. I just can't find balance between forgiveness and a backbone. I thought that time would heal the issues, and I bet sometimes it does. But I'm always going to think about the situation, and think things will never be the same. They won't be. I hate that I can't even be honest about my feelings because my "enemies" read my blog, and will go and "tattle' as soon as I speak a hint of truth. That bothers me the most. I'm not even allowed to speak the truth because no one wants to hear it. They are so worried about defending things blindly, that they have no idea what the truth really is. I could sit around and point fingers too, but I don't have to. I know what the truth is.
Last night was awful, and if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have been there. I don't enjoy stirring the pot. I'm not a trouble maker, but it hurts me to the core to know that there are a few people (who of course have never spent time trying to get to know me) that think I am. I stay far away from conflict, but my soul will not allow me to stand there and say nothing in a matter of injustice. If that makes me unpopular, then so be it. Sadly for me, I love to be liked, and it bugs me like crazy when someone thinks poorly of me. However, I cannot change people. They are going to think whatever they want of me until they get to know me, and that's fine. I just can't keep letting it get to me. I know I'm doing the right thing. I know my sins, which makes it sorta funny when I hear a new thing that a member of that "group" has made up about me. I mean, really. Point out something that is actually wrong with me. Trust me when I say there is enough there, you really don't have to make the effort to make things up!
So please, if you have an issue with me, then take it up with me. I hear everything you say anyway, and if you're not a total coward, you'll do the right thing and give me a chance to make things right. Otherwise, keep talking, and assuming that you know me. But let's face it, you don't know me. If you did, you what know that I love people more then anything, and am usually more then willing to work stuff out and move on. I just wish you would give me that chance. I gave you chance after chance as you were lying right to my face and I knew it, and I was still faithful to what I felt I was called to do despite you lying to me. That's what Christians are suppose to do. To do the right thing no matter what. So do the right thing by me, and give me the benefit of the doubt.