Heart-Seeker

If you asked me to dig down into the pits of my heart, and tell you what my deepest desires are, you would know that I desperately want people to like me. In fact, the mere thought of rejection is enough to make me want to cry into my pillow. It's sad, and more then that, it's pathetic. I realize that. I understand that while I'm vying for the affections of people, that I end up neglecting my relationship with God, which aside from knowing how pathetic I am, is heart-breaking to me.

How I long to be that person "whose heart beats to His heart". Not that it is out of reach, but I know it will take much more intentional growth on my part. I say intentional, because it's so easy to go through the motions as Christians. It's so easy to have all the right answers, and to pretend to be "super Christian". I think "intention growth" can be challenging. Actually spending time praying, not only for myself, and not out of an obligation to pray, or a feeling of guilt, but because I genuinely want to develop a relationship with him. Or serving for no other reason then to be obedient to God, and to please Him.

I hope that one day, I can honestly say that I am a woman after the very heart of God. I have a long way to go, but I know that God has always been perusing my heart--all I have to do is reciprocate.