I just don't get it when people want to say what they want to say, but they refuse to own it, or they expect you to somehow decipher this gibberish talk into something with substance. Then they say things in honesty, but want you to figure out what situations to apply it to. High expectations much? How is it that someone can say tons of hurtful things to you, and then tell you that it's your fault for taking it personally? This blatant attempt to try to wiggle out of the effect of the words they say is astounding. I'm the bad guy for taking what someone said, and being hurt by it, but the person who said it doesn't have to take responsibility. That is what's really "unfair". I was punished because of things this person thought about me, even though the thoughts were nothing more then a byproduct of their own insecurities, mixed with some distorted thinking. I was bashed, blamed for everything, and all for no good reason. Everyone swept it under the rug, and pretended it never happened, but I was left to pick up the broken pieces. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that whole mess. But of course, no one is willing to say that they were wrong. They just pretend like it never happened. I think that's what hurts the most-- this idea that they don't care about the hell I was put through-- that Matt was put through over me doing NOTHING (no really, nothing. Like my very existence is enough to bring up hate) . Wait, that sounds a little "unfair"!
So apparently now I stole his family from him. Nice. Because that's just the kind of person I am-- a "home-wrecker". Once again I am the scapegoat. Because it's way easier to blame someone else for the state of your family situation, then to actually see it for what it is. Like everything was perfect, and jolly before I came around? So when they say "nice guys finish last", they're right. Where did all of this come from? Me being "Nice" and "helpful". I was nice to someone, and they liked me. So now, I'm being punished for that. Heck, I've been punished for that for years. Of course, I can't control this person choosing to not be a part of his family. Of course, now the problem is Matt, but what about the other people this person doesn't make any effort with? Like nieces, nephews, cousins, and siblings? I'm sure that our decision to be a part of their lives is just a ploy to take the whole family over one by one and get them to like us more. Muhahahahaha! My plan is working... Because it couldn't be for any other reason, right? RIGHT??
So a quick recap-- I was called unfair for being upset that someone treats me badly, blames me for things I didn't do, and says awful things to, and about me, who almost ruined my relationship with Matt, and says it's all my fault for taking what he says personally, and for being nice because now people like me more then him. If this is what being "liked" more feels like, I would hate to be "disliked" because this is quite hellish. I just wish I could be myself without someone deciding what my intentions are for me. I have my own family. Family members that love and care about me, that would gladly have Matt and I over for Thanksgiving-- sans drama, or leaving people out. That would never take me being helpful and being a threat, but instead see it as me just being me. Heck, I have friends that don't think the worst of me, and know that I'm not this monster, and aren't grasping for straws looking for someone to blame for their own issues. So I guess this is that last time I'm spending a holiday with someone that refuses to see beyond their own warped thinking. Sad, really.
